If your nervous system is dysregulated towards HYPERAROUSAL, the ways that you control your stress activation might be: striving, perfectionism, working more and trying harder.

This pattern of excess striving to somehow manage the outcome of a situation can make you anxious, angry, frustrated and unable to switch off. In this state your survival brain is hypersensitive and reactive. If your nervous system is hyperactively trying to cope, it will be producing excess stress hormones and this can push you further into fight or flight, eventually leading to burn out.

Although stress and its mobilising energy can make you feel like you just need to work harder, this pattern limits your ability to think of solutions, be creative and perform at your optimal. Your thoughts may become disorganised and you may react without really thinking things through. You may find it hard to slow down and reflect if what your choosing is really in line with your deepest values.

If your nervous system is dysregulated towards HYPOAROUSAL, under stress you might not be able to muster enough effort to cope with life's demands. It may be hard to think clearly about the future and make a plan when your physiology makes you feel spacey, numb and exhausted.

You may feel hopeless and helpless about challenges, with thoughts like "it's useless anyway, why even try?" Or "I'll never get the relationship I long for, I give up." This state can bring apathy, flatness, hopelessness, procrastination and a feeling of stuck-ness.

Thoughts, feelings, urges and stories follow the state of the nervous system, and being dysregulated for hyperarousal, hypoarousal or oscillating between the two, doesn't help you cope. In fact, spending excess time in these states makes you less resilient. Regulation means you learn to coax your nervous system back to the state that allows you to better cope with life. You have more options, you can see the bigger picture and you have greater agency in shaping your life.

Sometimes you don't need to push yourself harder. Sometimes it's not true that a situation is hopeless. Sometimes you just need the tools that help you return to a state where you can think clearly, feel at ease and can find clarity about the reality of a situation.

The ability to return to regulation is the essence of resilience. The vagal brake is what leads to having a flexible and resilient nervous system and the good news is it's something you can strengthen, when you use practices that re-tune the nervous system.

If your vagal brake is working well you can easily transition between a state of calm and being energised. You can relax the brake and let out enough energy to focus and meet demands, and then gently reapply the brake again. With a flexible brake you can reflect and respond rather than react.

When you access the tools that help you access vagal regulation, you recover your innate capacity for resilience. This can help you recover from chronic and traumatic stress.